5 thoughts on “Week 7: The Ego – Day 47

  1. This is truer than we may think or realise. Why is it that when we have inner struggles it affect us when connecting with others? I know it does but why? Aren’t they two different areas of ourselves?

    1. This is subjective and based on the individual and his or her beliefs and ego formulations, I would suggest. With your question I can only reply with a generalisation. In essence though, when we appear to be suffering, it’s necessary for us to go ‘inside’, asking, what need isn’t being met, who is experiencing this (my intellect or emotional mind), and is it my judgement about the connection, event or circumstances that is hurting, or, those conditions? Finally, we need to ask, what does this perception of my unmet need remind me of, because it is arising from a past cognition, or a belief via the past and my interpretation of it.

      Added: later, I found this quote on LinkedIn via an American therapist, but yet again, the context and subjectivity would need possibly a number of sessions to flesh out.

      “Sometimes one’s own behavior contributes to the distress they find themselves in even when the person attributes their distress to another person.

      This creates a challenge in the therapeutic context. To inform the person of their role in their distress runs the risk of meeting with denial and anger. To not tell the person is to enable the maintenance of their own issues.

      In terms of my approach to counseling, I risk informing about one’s own contribution to distress. Like the smoker whose smoking contributes to their own cancer, it is in the person’s interest to be advised. I think the same with regard to one’s behavior. So when I do inform a person as to their contribution to issues, it is not with the intent to shame, embarrass or take sides, but to be helpful in truly helping the person resolve their distress.

      Many counselors will not do this. They fear reprisal if they are met with defensiveness. The challenge is to do so coming from a caring place as opposed to blaming.

      1. Very interesting Bob about the counselling side of things. I went to counselling with my wife years ago. We had 3 sessions and it was awful. It was like digging out all the bad and then dumping it on us with no place to go with it. I guess that is why you are different and why I was pleased to do this course. Your approach is different?

        1. Thank you, John – and yes, counselling, whatever the modality or context requires great vigilance for what is uncovered, exposed and explored. Permissions have to be sought, once trust and rapport have been established. Stamping thoughtlessly over one’s intimate and private lives can never be part of the process. There is always a balance, that is unique to each collaboration, to be found between guidance, and helping the couple or individual to become comfortable establishing their own sense of agency, and in relationships, along with improved, respectful communications.

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